the dance and other saturday country shit

running up that hill

chin up, lil girl

this is your kid on music OR a house full of too many costumes

oh, that maddy.

before:

after:

mother

She was a model. A good one — a beautiful, photogenic lovely. I loathed the idea, and hated the camera, reflections, and images, still do. She was a comer and a go’er. A public sophisticate and a family secret; but I clung to what i could love about her. There were pieces to love. Still, though; I haven’t, even now, the faintest idea of how I honestly feel about what it was. You can’t wrap your head and heart around shattered scatterings like that. Gathering wildflowers for Mother’s Day wasn’t good for her. And posing wasn’t so good for me. I was her favorite failure, her most resilient punching bag, and she my longest, savored wish and cruelest of personal disasters. But she, like always, had the last word. Scowling at me for ruining a good shot. Then splitting. Again.

I loved her. But never posed again. And she…

well, she turned the light out.

no more redhead girl.

Do I miss her?

Always. Of course.

I never had her.

but i sent the bouquet anyway.

then brought one home from her funeral.

1938-2007

You broke my fuckin’ heart, woman.

holy fk’n blog rape, batman

wow, so wordpress changed everything while i went trampin’ off, all vacant like.

am i back?

i. gots. no. idea.

yet.

but i’ll explore while digging this lil ditty by 311, check it if ya’ will.

311 - All Mixed Up

live, lunge, lament, and learn

“The man who never makes a mistake always takes orders from one who does. No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.“

-Daisy Bates

My greatest mistakes wake me with a bruised sense of self, a severe clarity; and a strong reminder of exactly what I don’t want to represent. Its kindest residue being that it’s one less mistake looming in a future of necessary and defining disappointments, one less regret; and the costly, invaluable, and timeless souvenir of contrition.

sweet girls

time to go north to the reservations and the yellow moon